I'm sitting here all alone -- not in a place near the water, but in an address that I've occupied for just five weeks. I'm 300+ miles from my boyfriend, my parents, my family. And I'm pretty sure I hate it. I got a "promotion" within my company. Awesome. Just what I'd always wanted. Oh...but be careful what you wish for. I'm miserable, and especially tonight.
It has just occurred to me that maybe the Internet will out fox me and connect this to my facebook or myspace profile and then I'll be outed, though I'm sure that my friends know of my misery all too well. I keep trying to slap a smile on my face and make it seem as though this is exactly what I want and wanted and hope for in the future.
Six months ago, I wanted to know that my company cared about me, invested in me and saw an asset in me as a human resource. And then, three months ago, they offered me a new job. And they said I'd travel about half of the time.
And now, I'm a promoted late-twenty-something girl trying to not cry on the phone to her boyfriend or her mother as they go about their lives 300 miles away. Do I want to be home? Would I be doing anything different if I were there?
I used to say, when I moved away just after college, that I knew exactly what I was missing at home. And I did, then. And I was okay with missing it for some reason. But now -- I happen to have made friends with the girl who lives behind me in this apartment complex. She's quite nice. I'll call her a friend, even. But she had me over for a cocktail and appetizers party with her sisters last night...good social etiquette means we aren't hanging tonight. So, my only friend here is pretty much ruled out just by the simple fact that we hung out last night.
So -- I'm sitting here contemplating going to see "The Time Traveler's Wife" tonight all by my lonesome. I'm looking for companionship in a bag of medium popcorn, I suppose.
Fighting against loneliness tonight -- maybe tomorrow will be better.
L
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